A Letter to Myself

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Last week I was sitting in Charlie’s room, watching him read a book on the floor. I had a feeling of deja vu from when I was a brand new mom, watching Charlie lay on the floor as I cried in his chair. I felt helpless and like I needed someone to tell me it was going to be ok. This memory made me want to write my new-mom self a letter (and any new mom’s out there!) and share my feelings on motherhood now that I’m 15 months in…

Liz,

Life is about to get real. In a matter of seconds you are going to go from being selfish to selfless; in the best way possible. A new kind of love is going to encompass every inch of your being. You are a mom. 

Some days are going to be great and some days are going to be really hard. Exhaustion is real. You’re not going to feel like a sane human for at least 6 months. It is going to test your relationships and some days are going to feel like there is no one else in the world doing what you’re doing. But there are. You have so many supporters. When you’re sitting in the dark, nursing Charlie at 2am, looking for lights in the apartment building across the street – I promise there are thousands of strong women doing the exact same thing at that very moment. At the end of the day, you may feel like you don’t have anything else to give. You’ve been pooped on, thrown up on, peed on, and haven’t showered in days – but when you look down at this tiny being sleeping on your chest, it is all worth it. Be gentle with yourself. Ask for help, give yourself a break, remember to take time to do things that make you happy. It will make you a better wife and mom.

One day you’re going to feel really broken. You’re exhausted, beat up, behind on work and gasping for air. But, you’re going to get up, look in the mirror and tell yourself that you can do it. That day is going to change everything. You’re going to find your confidence. You’re going to be a great mom.

Most days you’re going to stare at Charlie in awh that you created him. You are going to look at your husband in a different light because you see glimpses of him in your baby (and it’s the best). Time is going to start going by really fast. Too fast that you regret not enjoying the early days when you had the chance. Your baby boy is going to start exploring things without your help. Becoming this adventurous, strong, happy and independent boy at only 15 months old. You’re going to feel like you didn’t have enough time with him as a baby and as much as you want to go back, it is so much fun to move forward. 

Everything takes a back seat to watching him grow. Nothing really seems as important. Life can change in an instance and every day feels so precious. Some mornings you wake up and it feels like he grew up overnight. Eventually you find your rhythm – you share more, go outside more and start introducing him to your schedule. It opens a new door and helps you feel a little more like the you before you became a mom. Sometimes life feels slower, like you have less to give or maybe that you’re stuck in the same place. Remember that everything you’re doing has a purpose now – even if it is sitting down and admiring your baby. 

In the end, the days that test your patience will make you a better mom and eventually you’ll wish you could relive the days that felt impossible. You’re going to be just fine. 

Love, 
Me

*Charlie at 15 months. 

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61 thoughts on “A Letter to Myself

  1. Liz- totally needed this. Thank you. I’m having our first little boy on Friday..and well..overwhelmed doesn’t even begin to describe it. I’ve been running around like a mad woman getting things done and closing things out at work and it just all feels so rushed and crazy. Not even considering all the aches and pains right now, i’ve had quite a few mental breakdowns. But I’m going to be just fine.
    Thank you!

  2. Oh my gosh, Liz, this is the sweetest. I love the line, “Everything takes a back seat to watching him grow.” As my little girl will turn 1 this weekend, I couldn’t agree with that statement more. Beautiful words!

    Amanda
    http://girlaboutcolumbus.com

  3. You are a beautiful writer and I relate to every single word of this as a new mom. Thank you for sharing!

  4. What a lovely letter! I have a 7 and 4 year old and can relate to everything you said. So sweet and encouraging, especially for new moms. I remember running up to take a shower when my husband got home and just crying the entire time. I thought the first three months of having my son were so hard, but also so worth it. Your son is precious!

  5. I had my second child last January and realized two things: my first child’s birth really was awful and that I certainly struggled postpartum way more than “normal” (if that’s a thing. I’m beginning to think NOT struggling is the abnormal!).

    Having a baby is so joyful yet when you’re a new mom struggling and your hormones are insane it can be very isolating & overwhelming. I love that you’ve shared your journey because I think so many new moms think there’s severe postpartum depression & then pure joy, with nothing in between. I’m finding the more moms I talk to the more we fall in that in between & don’t realize we need support.

    1. Hi Kellie,

      I love your comment about moms feeling like the options are severe depression and pure joy with nothing in between. With my first, it was honestly mostly pure joy. I had my second 4 months ago and it has been much different. Certainly not severe depression, but so much harder. It could have something to do with having 2 kids under 2! I had a hard time bonding with my 2nd too. Overall it’s just been a very different experience.

  6. Lovely post. You are such an inspiration Liz. Sometimes we all need a reminder that ‘everything is going to be ok’

    Kristin

  7. Thank you for sharing! I have a one week old so the timing on this is perfect. I’m sure I’ll return and re-read in the future as well!

  8. I’m not a mom yet, but this really touched me. So beautifully written. Thanks for sharing this with your readers.

  9. Thank you for this. I needed it more than you know. I have a ten month old and I’m so proud I made it this far but there are great days and hard days still. And I’m not running a business like you! That’s for inspiring us mommas.

  10. Thank you so much for this. Made me cry happy tears because I feel like I could have written this myself. My son will be 15 months on Friday, and your blog has truly made an impact on me. I appreciate you, Liz!

  11. This has me in tears and I’m not even a mom! I really can’t tell you how much I love the more personal posts you’ve shared since Charlie was born. It’s a reminder that we’re all going through struggles, even when Instagram feeds make it seem like we aren’t. xx

    26 and Not Counting

  12. This is so beautifully put, Liz! As a mom of a 3 month old boy, much of this is still so fresh in my brain. Can’t tell you how much this rings true with me. We’ve got to all remember we’re not in it alone and it’s so tough but so worth it. Thanks for the sweet words, you brought me happysad tears on this snowy morning in Virginia 🙂

  13. Thank you for writing this, as a mom to a 4 month boy I needed to read this today and everyday. Please continue to write these posts as they are a light for me in this place called mommyhood.

  14. Aw Liz, that was beautiful. As a younger reader at only twenty three, I just wanted to let you know that even I appreciate these posts. They are genuine, heartfelt, and make me look forward to my own future that hopefully involves motherhood. Someday when I get there, I will remember your words of wisdom and strive to take on motherhood with the grace that you have! Thank you for your honesty and for sharing your world with us! Xo

    gretchendonovan.com

  15. Beautifully written! As an expectant mom, I needed to read this. So many worries about the changes that are to come – thank you! xo

  16. Love this post!! I’m right behind you with a 14 month old and it’s been fun following you one month ahead of me to see what you and Charlie are up to and what I have to look forward to.

  17. Reading this on the last day of my maternity leave a tears! Needed to hear this today.

  18. Hi Liz – I’m not a Mom (yet), but my husband and I are planning to start our family soon. This was such a touching reflective letter about the exhaustion and overwhelming moments in store for parents with the important message to slow down and cherish the new life you have created and the special time that will likely fly by. While I can’t relate to this just yet, I know this post will be one I come back to when the day arrives. Thank you for sharing!

  19. I love this post. Actually, it made me cry. This letter applies to moms at all stages. I have a toddler and a 10 month old, and it’s been a particularly difficult couple of weeks topped off with the baby and myself getting sick (taking care of a sick child while also being sick is its own special level of hell). I’m behind on work. The toddler is throwing a tantrum. The baby can’t be comforted and won’t stop crying. I’m tired. I’m emotionally and physically exhausted. I cried to my husband that I feel like I am failing at everything. Being a mom is crazy. It’s beautiful and rewarding and oh so hard at times. It’s helpful to remind ourselves that we aren’t alone. That we aren’t the only ones that aren’t nailing this mothering thing all the time. That others have those crying in the chair moments too. And to remind ourselves that this too shall pass and be filled with the memories of your little boy playing trains on the floor and hugging you.

  20. I know the feeling – when you’re feeling exhausted or frustrated but then turn over to see him smiling at you or discovering something new, everything just falls by the wayside!

    Liz @ ShoppingMyCloset.com

  21. Awww Liz, this is the sweetest! Someday I’ll need to read this again 🙂

  22. Watch them grow and enjoy each moment for not all are memorable or perfect but they pass along quickly. Being a Mom to 15 and 17 year old young adults make me crave the stage you’re in. Enjoy it, love it, cherish it.

  23. This is just beautiful. My sweet little Chloe was born in September and I have loved re-reading your blogs about Charlie when he was born. I relate to so much of what you describe to us. Thank you for sharing your incredible and honest thoughts. Being a mom is such a privilege, but dang… some days are really hard. It’s great to know that we’re all in this together. XO

  24. You’re amazing. I’m not even a mom, and I’ve never even commented on somebody’s blog before, but I wanted to tell you that this was beautiful to read! You and your family are so gorgeous.

  25. So all throughout my pregnancy, no one told me about the post-baby blues. All of the mom blogs I had read kept it light and positive and I wasn’t really prepared for the amount of crying and doubt I would experience for the 6 weeks after having my daughter. I searched the internet trying to find the posts that would help me feel less alone. And so, I found your blog and read your posts and you were pretty real about your feelings and the crying and emotions that went along with trying to adjust to life as a new mother (not to mention with an amazing sense of style and grace.) So thanks for being honest… because I think more women should be. It’s not all smiles in the beginning but becoming a mother is the best thing I’ve ever done. My daughter is 8 months old tomorrow and she is the light of my life. The struggle is definitely worth it.

  26. Liz,

    This letter is so real and so inspiring. I have a 15 month old as well. You and I share so much of the same sentiment. Not only are you a great Mom, but you’re an inspiration to every female entrepreneur out there who is carefully balancing a career and being a Mom. Thank you for sharing!

    xoxo

  27. Awww, I love this and it’s such a sweet reminder. I can’t wait for this year to come and love following your mommy journey!

  28. I love this letter! My baby is 7 months today and it makes me sad to think that he is now closer to a one year old than a newborn. I love watching him grow and learn every day but I miss so much too… even the hard days. Time really does fly! Thanks for sharing this and being so open and honest.

  29. This is so on point. As a first time Mama of a 21 month girl, there are still days I have to tell myself it will all be ok, that I’m not alone in this Motherhood journey and that everything I do has a purpose, even when it feels like there is no way it could. Thank you for outwardly expressing those feelings that all Mamas inevitably have. I’m an avid follower of you on social media and love following along on your journey with Mr. Charlie!

  30. What a beautiful letter Liz! It has me in tears. Charlie is adorable and I love reading your posts about your life with him.

    I have a 21 month old son (as of yesterday!) and a 4 month old daughter. These days are hard. Most of them feel really hard. Like you said, I’m exhausted and it can feel like I’m the only one going through it. I keep telling myself to make it to 6 months. That’s when I felt a shift with my son too…when I started to get some of my pre-baby me back. Because I miss my pre-baby me. My son and daughter are perfect and I love them more than I ever thought possible, but I miss my body, sitting at a coffee shop by myself, SLEEP.

    I am so, so grateful for them and our health. I realize each day it’s more precious and can change in an instant.

    Sorry, I’m all over the place. The other day I was searching for my nursing bra. I finally found it days later in the mesh bag in our laundry room. No idea if I ever washed it or not. Oy, the life of a tired momma!

    http://www.luvinthebubble.com

  31. Wonderful post. It’s funny how at 2am you think you’re the only person in the world awake and no one else is thinking that it’s not the best (yet). I have a 9 month old and I swear he grows up with every nap. We are all in the same boat so thanks for posting to remind us moms of just that. ❤️

  32. Love this post. Just had my first, a sweet baby boy, 2.5 weeks ago and it is so much harder than I ever thought! We are totally drained but the second that baby falls asleep on my chest, holding on to my shirt this world flips upside down. After reading this, errands can wait. I’m just going to snuggle this little guy for a while. Thanks for sharing.

  33. Beautiful post. Thank you so much for sharing! I’ve had a tough few days with my 4 month old that have really tested me patience. This is just what I needed to read!

  34. As always you are so eloquent and generous to share these personal thoughts with us. I’m pregnant with my first and I have been reading your previous posts over and over when I need inspiration and a dose of the realities of being a Mom. Truly, thank you for sharing yourself and your family.

  35. Liz, I’m 10 months in and relate to everything you are saying. Charlie is lucky to have you as his mom!

  36. I am a mom of 3 year old twins and a 10 month old. What you wrote is so perfect and beautifully written. Being a parent is frustrating and exhausting but at the same time, you feel so much love for your children that sometimes you feel like your heart is going to explode.

  37. A really sweet post, Liz. Our boys are the same age and I’m about to add another one to the mix in April so this was a good reminder to enjoy the early days even though there will be some tough moments and likely many sleepless night.

  38. Liz,

    I started following you just before we both started our families. My little boy is just a few weeks older than your Charlie. I am obsessed with this letter! You took the words out of my mouth. On those tough days just know you have a friend in California probably going through all the same stuff!

  39. This is such a beautiful post! I really, really enjoyed reading this and made a point of re-opening it twice a day so that I could leave you a comment.

    I’m not a mum but I’d love to be one day, and reading this feels really good. It’s nice to hear about the good and the bad, and your writing is so good that I could actually imagine being up and looking out of the window to see who else’s lights are on. That’s a comforting thought!

    Thank you for sharing it – I’ll hopefully have another reason to read it again one day!

    Flora
    http://www.theeverchanginghome.com

  40. Such a beautiful, well written post – and I bet Charlie will LOVE reading this someday when he’s a dad. P.S. I saw your dad commented as “dad” {adorable!}

  41. Love this so much Liz!! Camden was colic until 7 months (and still is a little fussy) and I had so many breakdowns along the way. Your letter sums it up perfectly – so worth it <3

  42. “Sometimes life feels slower, like you have less to give or maybe that you’re stuck in the same place. Remember that everything you’re doing has a purpose now.”
    I don’t have a baby and I’m single, and yet your letter speaks to me.
    Thanks for sharing this with us, you are wonderful.

    1. A Mama of two littles broke down this morning at Bible Study. It was heart wrenching. She thinks she is suffering from post part depression. The feelings are new to her because she did not experience them with her first child. We prayed for her and offered counseling resources but oh, her pain. I can’t stop thinking of her and now I read this post. God is working all the time…